Monday 17 May 2021

Majority of hugs remain completely unwelcome


awkward hugs still unwelcome

As hugging once again becomes something people are allowed to do, research has shown that the majority of hugs remain entirely unwelcome.

As lockdown restriction ease even further, allowing friends and relatives the opportunity for a really good hug for the first time in months, millions of huggees have pointed out that actually, they’d become quite fond of an elbow bump.

Simon Williams told us, “I get it, the world is full of weirdos who crave the physical contact of strangers, replete with the attack on the senses this represents.

“I’ll be honest, lockdown has been bliss.  No one has even raised the possibility of a hug, and even handshakes are off the table – heaven! I haven’t been forced to smell anyone up close in months.

“But Christ almighty who are these freaks that are going around hugging everyone they can just because they’re suddenly allowed to?

“You’re also allowed to join the army, but I don’t see any of you rushing to do that.  Just because something is allowed doesn’t mean you should definitely do it.

“I’ll be honest, with lockdown easing I’ve found it’s easier to just avoid people altogether.

“Thank God for the NHS app, which means I can pretend I’ve been told to self-isolate if anyone suggests a get together that looks like it might involve hugging.”

I’m giving away FREE hugs (just kidding, keep the fuck away from me) – get yours HERE!

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