Monday 17 May 2021 by Pete Redfern

Just take all this crap and hide it upstairs before any visitors come in, yells panicked Mum


mum panicked over visitors

You need to gather up all this crap and just shove it up in our bedroom or something before the visitors arrive, it has emerged.

Mums and Dads of young children across the country are in a state of panic today after realising that the easing of restrictions has meant that visitors will be able to enter the house and see what an absolute shit-tip the place has become over the last year.

“Right, kids, just grab what you can and take it upstairs,” ordered Mum of three Simone Williams, martialling her offspring into the untidy lounge that had been strewn with toys, magazines, clothes and unidentified bits of food over the last year.

“Just dump it all on our bed, and then shut the bedroom door. QUICKLY; they’ll be here in a few minutes.”

Frantically running around with the Hoover, she continued, “What WILL they think of us if they see the house in this state?

“Let’s get all the clutter upstairs and locked out of sight in our bedroom and then at least they’ll think we’re fairly tidy and have been able to hold it together over the last year of on-off lockdowns.”

One of her children, six-year-old Amy, told us, “Mummy really needs to chill out a bit. Surely it’s better to just be realistic about how messy our house is, rather than strive to give the impression that we’re a tidy family that hasn’t completely gone to pieces over the last year?

“Plus, the only visitor we’re expecting today is a bloke who’s coming to read the gas meter.”

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