Monday 17 May 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Brave lockdown sceptics celebrate momentous victory against tyrannical government as restrictions lifted


lockdown sceptics celebrating

After over a year of bravely battling against restrictions imposed on people to save vulnerable people from dying of Covid, anti-lockdown activists are today celebrating their triumph as those restrictions are lifted.

In the face of unwavering ridicule and contempt from the wider society, anti-lockdown activists have protested and fought for the right for other people to die so they could pop into Waitrose without a mask on.

“Today, finally, we have won,” said Simon Williams, anti-masker and bit-of-a-c**t.

“We have never given up in our fight to raise awareness of how wearing a mask is a bit annoying and how we can’t go to the pub that we were never really bothered about before.

“Now, finally, the Government has given in to our demands. We knew we would win eventually, and here we are, the winners.”

Mr Williams described how he has dedicated his life to the campaign over the past year.

“I saw people around me who were wearing masks just because they were told to. Simply because it might save other people’s lives, and they did it without complaining about how annoying it was to have to do so.

“So, I decided to start raising awareness of how annoying masks are, and then how it’s a bit inconvenient that you have to use Zoom to see friends, and how some things are closed when I want to go to them.

“I think that if we hadn’t kept protesting and raising that awareness then the government would have kept us all locked down forever, because that’s what they want, right?

“Now, thanks solely to our relentless fight against lockdown, the restrictions are being lifted. Coincidence? I think not. You can thank me later.”

However, despite today’s victory, Mr Williams will keep fighting.

“As long as there are any restrictions in place to protect other people’s lives, no matter how small they might be, if they inconvenience me in any way whatsoever, then I will battle against them.”

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