Friday 14 May 2021 by Pete Redfern

Immigration officers who failed to remove Glasgow refugees ‘force choked’ over Zoom call by furious Priti Patel

Priti Patel strangles people on Zoom call

The Immigration Enforcement Officers who tried and failed to take some Glaswegians out of Glasgow have been remotely throttled by their angry overlord.

Staff from Immigration Enforcement swooped on a property in Pollokshields early yesterday morning, taking some men and putting them in the back of a van, but were quickly surrounded by a large crowd of rebel protestors who prevented them from leaving, leading to the men eventually being released.

Late last night these officers were summoned to a terrifying video call with Home Secretary Priti Patel, which saw three of them somehow strangled, despite her not physically being in the room with them.

“That was the worst call I’ve ever taken part in,” one told us this morning, the bruises still visible on his neck.

“We tried to explain to her that we were surrounded, and rather than have the situation descend into a riot we thought it best to release them and walk away, but all she said was ‘I find your lack of faith disturbing’ and then we suddenly couldn’t breathe and we must have passed out.”

He added, “It really has made me start to wonder if we might not be the good guys after all.”

Glasgow resident Simon McWilliams, who was at the protest, told us, “Oh aye, she’s an evil wee lass, is Priti, we cannae stand her.

“If she’d been in charge when her family came to this country she’d have deported her own ma and da.”

The Cabinet of Arsholes – did Priti Patel make the cut?

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