Friday 14 May 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Government to tackle surge in India variant by pretending it banned Indian travel when it was told to

Boris banned India travel

The Government has moved immediately to tackle the concerning number of cases of the Indian variant of Covid by pretending that it banned travel from India when every expert in the country told it to.

“The rise of the Indian variant is a concern,” said Prime Minister and psychopathic Bond villain Boris Johnson.

“I had been receiving lots of praise for our rollout of the vaccine and this new variant could see that praise starting to stall, and perhaps even see me start to be blamed for not acting quick enough.

“So, I’m taking charge immediately and, as of now, I will be claiming that I did everything I could to prevent this variant becoming a problem, including instituting an immediate ban on travel to India as soon as I was told to by all the experts, and not two weeks afterwards like I actually did.”

Mr Johnson was confident that with the help of his friends in the newspapers and the BBC, people would quickly forget that he, once again, hopelessly dithered before introducing a necessary travel ban and hundreds, possibly even thousands of people died as a direct result.

“By acting quickly to pretend I acted quickly, I believe I have saved myself and my Government from unnecessary criticism,” continued Johnson.

“And if I haven’t, then I’ll just blame Labour.”

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