Victims blinded by 90s “No More Tears” shampoo file class action lawsuit

author avatar by 3 years ago

People who had their eyes melted from their skulls by “No More Tears” shampoo in the mid-90s are to have their day in court.

The advertising campaigns for the shampoo featured happy, healthy children having a whale of a time essentially pouring shampoo into their eyes while shrieking with abject delight.

“Oh, I shrieked alright,” said Simon Williams, now 35, his seeing-eye dog guiding him to a chair.

“You’d shriek too if your nine-year-old eyeballs were dissolving from the inside of your head.

“That shampoo was only ‘No More Tears’ to the extent you can’t cry if your tear ducts have been melted shut.

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“Apparently I’m not alone; after an extensive social media campaign it turns out there are droves of people who suffered at the hands of No More Tears shampoo.”

Fellow victim, Hayley Rice, said, “I also lost my eyes after an incident with No More Tears shampoo.

“The incident in question being ‘washing my hair in a completely normal way’.

“From that day, I vowed to become a personal injury lawyer and file a class-action lawsuit on behalf of me and the other victims of this flagrant false advertising, and now that’s exactly what I’m doing.

“Because we’re worth it.”