Wednesday 12 May 2021

Bailiffs collecting Boris Johnson’s £535 CCJ debt leave Downing Street with a roll of wallpaper


Bailiffs Downing Street for Boris' CCJ

Bailiffs instructed to collect payment of Boris Johnson’s CCJ debt of £535 have been paid in full after being handed a roll of wallpaper.

After the courts found in favour of Boris’ creditor and issued a County Court Judgement to the value of £535, bailiffs were instructed to visit the prime minister’s residence to seize goods that would cover the value of the debt, plus their costs.

Bailiff Simon Williams told us, “Normally we look for high-value stuff like computers and TVs, but for some strange reason, the highest value things in this flat were the soft furnishings.

“Well, those not yet destroyed by the cat, anyway.

“We looked it up, and shockingly this wallpaper goes for £800 a roll, so that’s more than enough to cover the debt, and a couple of hundred quid for our time.”

Williams admitted that his job rarely gets as exciting as a visit to the prime minister’s residence.

He continued, “Anyone who has watched any of the bailiff-related programmes on TV will be aware that we can handle ourselves, and that we are willing to do so if sufficiently provoked.

“Unfortunately, Boris just handed it over without so much as an argument.  We were quite looking forward to pinning him to the floor; it would have been nice, just once, for him to look dishevelled for a reason.

“He tried to offer us a lucrative PPE contract as settlement, because apparently Carrie is quite attached to the wallpaper, but we explained that we needed the cash, or equivalent, today.  A contract worth millions in a few months time is all well and good, but we have a job to do for our clients, so we politely declined.

“As far as we’re concerned it was a job well done, and we are pretty sure Boris’ only lightly soiled himself.”

A Cabinet of Arseholes – see who made the cut HERE!

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