Friday 7 May 2021 by Mark Molloy

Man with shit memory confident massive 5p increase will make him remember his pissing carrier bags


Man forgot carrier bags again

A man with a shit memory, who hasn’t remembered his plastic carrier bags at the shops for weeks is confident today that the massive 5p increase in cost will finally cure his memory.

Simon Williams, who currently has over 270 plastic bags in a cupboard at home, after forgetting to bring them to the supermarket for the last 47 visits, revealed his relief earlier after picking up items off the floor after trying to carry his shopping in his hands.

“This is great news,” he told us.

“Finally, I will never forget my bags again, now that it costs an extra 5p if I leave them at home, or in my car, like every single bastard time I come shopping. Or if I just forget them altogether.

“Look I’m all for people not purchasing carrier bags, as it’s terrible for the environment, especially the oceans, and something needed to be done.

“It’s just that I forget them every single frigging time I go shopping. I just can’t help it, I’ve got the worst memory going, no matter how hard I try.

“But now that I will have to pay an EXTRA 5p for every bag that I use, there is absolutely no way I will ever forget them again, it’s amazing.”

Asked why he is trying to carry the shopping in his hands today he told us, “The bags are in the other car.”

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