Hartlepool selects MP with different colour rosette to completely ignore their interests and concerns

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After years of having their interests and concerns ignored by the Labour Party, the people of Hartlepool have voted to have the Tory party ignore their concerns and interests instead.

“It’s exciting, to have some completely different people ignore us. It’s like a fresh start for the town,” said resident Simon Williams.

Hartlepool has returned a Labour MP for 47 years, some of which could actually point to Hartlepool on a map, now they have elected Jill Mortimer, a Tory candidate who may or may not be able to spell Hartlepool.

Mr Williams spoke of what Ms Mortimer’s priorities should be.

“Well, the male unemployment rate is nearly 10%, which is one of the highest in the country. So, she should definitely start by ignoring that. Then there’s poverty. Child poverty, adult poverty. We’re really struggling with that, so she should be ignoring that, too.

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“Of course, there’s just general infrastructure problems as well, she’ll need to be ignoring that.

“There’s an awful lot to ignore here. It’s not going to be easy. But, I guess, just do what Labour have been doing, but with a different coloured rosette.”

It is expected that Ms Mortimer will spend the rest of the day waving to bemused residents, before decamping to Westminster until the next election when she will return to Hartlepool to spend a day or so waving at bemused residents.