Sunday 2 May 2021 by Pete Redfern

Sight of new £200m Royal Yacht will cheer up all the fishermen devastated by Brexit, says Boris


Boris announces new Royal Yacht

The glorious sight of a new Royal Yacht named after Prince Philip is to bring joy to those in the fishing industry who have been left ruined by Brexit, according to reports today.

Plans are apparently underway to spend around £200 million pounds of taxpayer money on the yacht, which would be expected to sail across the world and promote British trade and interests overseas, or failing that, to give foreign governments a ludicrous British vanity project to point and laugh at as they easily formulate trade deals with the remaining EU member states.

“It’s been a tough year for many, myself included,” proclaimed Boris Johnson outside Downing Street this morning.

“After all, I caught Covid for some reason after shaking hands with everyone on a Coronavirus ward, then one or two people in the country went and actually died of it, from what I gather, which is of course very sad.

“Almost as sad as being made to suffer John Lewis furniture.”

He went on, “But some of the hardest hit have been the fishermen, thanks to the dastardly EU and the Brexit deal they imposed on us and for which I should take no to blame whatsoever.

“So hopefully as they sit in their boats, with no waters to fish in, and their livelihoods slipping away before their eyes, they will be enriched by the sight of HMY Prince Philip sailing gloriously by, reminding them that we are a great and global Britain with a shining future ahead of us.”

Fisherman Simon Williams told us, “At this point, something like that would actually be quite a fitting metaphor for Brexit; monumentally expensive, with no discernible benefits, yet utterly beloved by flag-shaggers.

“At the least our government is consistent, I guess.”

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