Saturday 1 May 2021

Boris Johnson reluctant to change his phone number after remembering how many women he’s given it to


Boris Mobile number

After Boris Johnson’s personal mobile number was made public after being discovered in an old press release, the prime minister has admitted his reluctance to change it after remember just how many women he’s given it to.

Boris told friends, “There are years and years of groundwork associated with this phone number.  Cheeky messages to God knows how many women, so I don’t know if I should just throw that all away just because the number is now in the public domain.

“I mean, yes, I’m engaged and have a new baby, in addition to the other woman I’ve been married to and the other children I’ve fathered, but you never know when you’ll want to return that unexpected late-night message from that woman you met once.

“Or when you might just fancy a bit on the side.  I mean, Carrie might get herself a potentially terminal disease and I’ll have no choice but to start looking elsewhere to satisfy my carnal desires.”

Experts have assessed the prime minister’s previous behaviour and have conservatively estimated the number of women with ‘Boris’ in their phone’ address book to be about 250,000.

Mobile Communications analyst Simon Williams told us, “He’s been waving it about like horny teenager his entire life, and if the Jennifer Arcuri incident taught us anything, it’s that he’s not even remotely fussy, so I think we can safely assume the number of women who’ve been given his number is – at a minimum – into the tens of thousands.”

Woman, Hayley Rice, told us, “I’m a woman and I’ve never been given Boris Johnson’s phone number.

“But I have been to dozens of pubs where it’s been scratched into the walls of the women’s toilet cubicles.

“Usually with a message looking for women who are after ‘a thoroughly mediocre time’.”

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