Friday 30 April 2021 by Alex Webster

Britain braces itself for summer of awful British tourists


British holidaymakers to ruin Britain this summer

The British tourism industry is both relieved and utterly dismayed that nobody will be going abroad this year.

With travel bans in place and many countries staying off-limits for the foreseeable future, foreign travel looks unlikely for most Britons, who have decided to make parts of their own country temporarily unlivable instead.

Peak District cafe owner Simon Williams had this to say, “When I learned that most British people would be holidaying in the UK this year I felt great relief that I could once again welcome visitors and recoup some of my losses over the last year.

“But that relief quickly turned to dread when I recalled that week I spent in Benidorm surrounded by British holidaymakers some years ago.

“Britons have a reputation as being the most obnoxious tourists in the world and frankly that comes as no surprise at all.

“The UK has a great deal to offer travellers, and I’m sure that folks will want to visit our historic cities, breathtaking National Parks, world-class attractions and idyllic countryside… and turn each of them into a loud, filthy, traffic-congested, litter-strewn nightmare that stinks of piss and pink gin.

“I mean, why visit Snowdonia only to turn it into Blackpool on a Friday night?

“I stand in solidarity and compassion with other tourist sector workers across the globe, and only hope that British people being forced to endure the company of other British people on holiday will be a chastening experience for those who expect to go abroad next year.”

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