“How DARE you hold me accountable for my actions?!” sputters Boris Johnson

author avatar by 3 years ago

Boris Johnson is sick and tired of being expected to explain his shit.

The Prime Minister and inevitably future contestant on I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! is sick to the back teeth of Labour, the media and even members of the PUBLIC demanding answers regarding the renovations of his flat, his private text exchanges with James Dyson and whether or not he’d prefer a massive corpse pile over a third lockdown.

“Ugh, naff off,” confirmed the Prime Minister.

“You can’t hold me accountable to things, that’s just unfair. The sporting thing to do is to let me just get on with it. That’s what’s best for Britain and, more importantly, best for me.

“The money I’ve blown on an eight hundred quid lamp, my private texts regarding a billionaire’s tax arrangements, and my stance on whether I prefer your death or the pubs shutting should be of no concern to ANYBODY.”

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Citizen, Hayley Rice, said, “I must say…I would QUITE like to know just how laid back the PM is about our potential deaths.

“I’m less concerned about the flat… stinging money from the public purse for a new footstool sounds like the exact kind of behaviour one SHOULD expect from an over-privileged Conservative.”

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the mug here!