Local builder’s text to PM asking to pay less tax remains unanswered

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A local builder has spoken of how his text to Prime Minister Boris Johnson asking if he could pay less tax has remained unanswered after several days.

“As soon as I learnt that’s how it works I sent the PM this text,” said Simon Williams.

“’Dear Boris, can you fix it for me to pay less tax this year please. Cheers, Si. PS, the EU are shit.

“I don’t really think the EU is shit, but he seems to like people who say that, so I thought I’d put it in.”

As yet, though, Mr Williams has yet to receive a reply.

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“It was yesterday morning I sent it, so that should be long enough, shouldn’t it? I mean, that Rishi Sunak just lives next door, so all he needs to do is pop round, say ‘can Si pay less tax?’ Rishi says yes, they have a cup of tea, and it’s all sorted.

“But nothing yet.”

Mr Williams refuted the idea that James Dyson could be receiving preferential treatment.

“No, that’d be well weird because all that Dyson does is make shit hoovers, but I can do a lovely job on your plastering. Doesn’t make sense that they’d let him pay less tax than me.

“I expect that there’s just a lot of people who just found out that this is the way it works so have all sent in texts and he’s got a bit of a backlog. And, you know, he’s a busy bloke what with that new baby and all his affairs.”

Mr Williams has resolved to leave it for the weekend and then, if he still hasn’t heard anything by Monday, pop round as he’s in the area for an office clearance.