Thursday 22 April 2021 by Mark Molloy

Seagulls still absolute pricks


Seagull

Seagulls are still absolute pricks, even after a year of lockdown in which to think about their behaviour, it has been revealed today.

With restrictions continuing to ease across the UK and more and more people heading to the coast to enjoy some relaxing time with the family, fucking seagulls are still doing their best to completely ruin everything by behaving like absolute pricks, as usual, and trying to steal your food.

Father of three Simon Williams from Preston, revealed, “Absolute fucking cunts they are.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t be using the C-word in front of my 3-year-old, but I just hate them, I fucking hate them, evil greedy arrogant shits.

“All we wanted was a nice little trip to the seaside to relax and enjoy the promenade. Then fifteen arsehole seagulls start attacking us just because we dared to buy some frigging chips.

“They don’t even wait until you’re finished these days to see if there’s anything left, they just grab the shit out of your hands as if they’ve fucking paid for it.

“You’d think after the year we’ve all had, they’d at least have done some quiet reflection, like the rest of us, to re-evaluate their lives and behaviour – but no, they’re still total and utter shits.

“They even sound shit too, whining away and circling your kids just waiting to steal an ice cream, with their stupid evil faces. I’ll tell you what, if one comes near me today, I don’t care how weird it looks, I’m punching the twat in the face.”

Asked if the seagulls would deter him from coming back to the coast, he told us, “Well I’d stick to the city if I could, but it’s the pigeons. Total fuckers they are.”

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