Sacked orc chieftain Johnny Grishnak calls Minas Morgul a ‘cesspit full of liars’

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Middle Earth was stunned after former orc band leader Johnny Grishnak revealed that the power structure of Mordor was rife with dishonesty, careerism, hypocrisy and manipulation and that he was pushed out for asking Sauron The Deceiver to deliver on his promises.

Appearing in a clearing with elf Pestoniel the Ashen, the veteran orc warrior explained that his time as a key orc captain had left him with a sour taste in his mouth that no amount of man-flesh could hide.

He went on, “Look, I’m not a professional captain like one of those ringwraiths. I’m just a simple orc warrior who has had the privilege of serving with the Uruk Hai.

“When Sauron the Abhorrent One asked me to help him build a new Mordor that takes proper care of its minions, I naturally decided to ignore his millennia of lying and decided to trust him.

“But now I realise he just wanted me around so he could have a pint with some goblins or take pictures of himself on top of Grond.

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“I tell you, I would rather face down the entire Rohirrim than have to try and get anything done behind the Black Gate.”

Although the dismissal of Johnny Grishnak was seen as a blow to Sauron, some accused him of claiming to be more naive than he was. As affirmed Kayr Staramir, a ranger from the Red Keep of Gondor.

“Too little too late! Why did he take so long to realise Sauron only lusted for power? Why did he vote for the sacking of Osgiliath?

“He’s just yet another servant of the Dark Lord who sold his principles in exchange for a ring and a fell beast.”