Wednesday 21 April 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Top European clubs announce plan to add second ball to football matches


Two footballs

Following the collapse of the Super League, the ‘top’ European clubs have quickly bounced back and have announced a brand new, sensible and practical plan.

“Okay, so, football is basically some guys kicking a football around a pitch, right? And people love that. So, what we’re going to do is introduce a second ball into the game,” explained Simon Williams, a spokesperson for the biggest European clubs.

“So, you know, you can have Ronaldo running down one side of the pitch with a ball and everyone’s going ‘oh god, stop Ronaldo,’ but sneakily, on the other side of the pitch you’ve got Messi with the other ball and he goes off and does a goal.

“It’s like a new level of strategy.”

Mr Williams went on to explain the advantages of the plan.

“People like a football with one ball, so they’ll like football with two balls twice as much. I mean, that’s just basic maths.

“And, you know – and I must say that’s obviously not our primary motivation here – if people want to play football, then they have to buy two balls instead of one, that’s more money for the football community.

“Oooh, and we could get Gazprom to sponsor that second ball, so that football fans know where to go if they’ve got some natural gas that needs processing.

“It’s win/win for everyone!”

Unfortunately, once again, the entire world has responded to the new plan by laughing and doing the wanker sign.

Williams went on, “Okay, no problem. Super League’s no good. Two balls is no good. No problem, we’ve got plenty more brilliant ideas. We’ll exclusively show football in 3d or introduce an app that only runs on Vista.

“We’re Europe’s top football teams and you can rely on us to make football better.”

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