Disillusioned football fans urged to try Warhammer

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Football fans across Europe have been left reeling by the announcement of a new, European Super League, and after being potentially left with an enormous surfeit of both free time and cash experts are suggesting that bereft fans may want to consider Warhammer as an alternative.

Many fans of the teams involved in the European Super League are saying that football is now dead to them and they’ll never watch another match again, which gives them a perfect excuse to find another hobby.

“Honestly, if you think the Manchester derby is exciting, just wait until you see 2,000 points of freshly painted Ultramarines facing off against the alien menace of the Necrons,” said Simon Williams, a Warhammer store manager who has never actually seen a football match.

“I hear football fans moaning about the price of season tickets and replica shirts all the time, well wait until you see how much the new Start Collecting Boxes are selling for – I’ve had to get a second job to afford the paint.”

The shift in focus from competitive sport to wargaming will, it is hoped, also lead to a reduction in domestic violence.

“There are often reports of increased levels of domestic abuse during key football matches,” explained family liaison officer Susan Calgar.

“You simply don’t see the same during Warhammer tournaments, because once you’ve spent 72-hours solid painting Be’lakor the Dark Master all you truly desire is the sweet embrace of sleep rather than six pints and a scrap.”