Monday 19 April 2021 by Lucas Wilde

Sacked Jose Mourinho applies for vacant Duke of Edinburgh position


Jose Mourinho applies for new job

Jose Mourinho has been sacked as manager of Tottenham Hotspur and has wasted no time in applying for a new job.

The Special One, as nobody calls him any more, was let go from the alleged football club after a run of form variously described as “middling”, “mediocre” and “shit”.

However, the puffed-up Portugese blowhard has already applied for the recently vacated position of Duke of Edinburgh.

“The Royal Family needs the Special One,” confirmed Mourinho.

“The position of Duke of Edinburgh entails visiting a variety of venues while looking bored and a bit angry. Managing and watching Spurs has given me more than adequate training for that.

“From what I understand, the position also requires the applicant to say needlessly controversial or nonsensical things…I mean…come on. I’m your man.

“I understand the position also involves marrying the Queen. I’d be willing to do that for the right money, as long as she doesn’t expect me to bring home a trophy of any kind.”

Buckingham Palace commented, “Yes, we have received Mr. Mourinho’s interest.

“However we are also fielding an offer from a Mr Sam Allardyce, so there’s a lot to consider here.”

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