Monday 19 April 2021 by Gary Stanton

Alarm raised as entire UK finds itself agreeing with Gary Neville


Man shocked after agreeing with Gary Neville

The whole UK has been placed at Shock Level 2 after citizens found themselves agreeing with Sky Sports gobshite Gary Neville.

After plans were announced for the UK’s five top clubs and Manchester City to join an elite break-away league of billionaire whores, Neville correctly remarked that that would be as shit as running the entire length of the pitch to celebrate in front of the away fans.

A clean-shaven Neville, regarded by some as the most gifted pundit of his generation, addressed reporters over a Zoom call, during which only the top half of his head remained visible:

“It’s all about pure naked greed. They’ve gone looking for it and been found wanting where it counts. It’s a straight red card.

“Take it from me, there are better ways to make money. For example, if you’re looking to do hospitality in Manchester City Centre, then why not take one of my cards?

“But seriously, these clubs involved should all lose a considerable number of points – even more than Valencia did during my hastily concluded tenure.”

Meanwhile, plans for the break-away venture took a further blow last night as it emerged that some bright spark had sent invites out to Rangers and Celtic.

Armchair fan, Simon Williams, said, “It’s strange to find myself agreeing with Gary Neville. It’s a very odd feeling and I hope it goes away soon.

“But the clubs involved have totally overreached themselves. It’s like trying to grow a moustache when your testosterone levels really aren’t up to it.

He added, “As stupid plans go, it’s about as wise as going into business with Ryan Giggs.

“And then introducing him to your wife.”

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