A woman has told her colleagues today that she can’t wait to see them in the office next week after her company begins its gradual return to normality, even though she would be perfectly happy never to see any of them in person ever again.
Sharon Williams, 35, has spent the best part of a year working from home, due to the fact she is perfectly able to carry out her daily duties without spending three hours commuting or spending all day in a building with almost no natural light.
As her company begins asking workers to return to the office – mainly because they’re tied into an expensive lease and are suffering from the sunk cost fallacy – group Zoom calls have been arranged as part of the team-building efforts for the grand ‘re-opening’.
Williams told us, “Yes, I did say that I can’t wait to see them, when the reality is I could wait. A very long time. Forever if it was required.
“It’s not that I don’t particularly like these people, it’s just they are associated with a place of misery.
“They’re all perfectly fine on a thirty-minute Zoom call to discuss the quarterly budgets – but when they’re sat two desks over and constantly chatting about weekend plans, or if I want a coffee, or where am I going for lunch, or have I heard about Trevor in IT – then they become… well… a pain in the arse.
“How difficult is it to just let those of us who like working from home carry on working from home?
“And then we can let those workers who are needy narcissists can go and give each other a nice big wank in the office whenever they feel like it.”