Thursday 15 April 2021 by Arabin Patson

Vaccine program gives hope to Brits yearning to fly abroad and demand everything be exactly the same as the UK


Vaccine hope for British Holidaymakers

The success of the mass vaccination program against COVID 19 has left many people in England hopeful that this summer they will be able to jet off to exotic locales and then expect every facet of life to be a carbon copy of what they left in Surrey.

Darren Williams, a gas fitter with fascinating opinions on refugees, was confidently trying to choose between Magaluf, Dubrovnik, Faliraki, Miami or the Algarve to spend two blessed weeks drinking topless on the terrace of whatever local pub serves a full English.

“I can’t tell you how excited I am at the thought of leaving my conservatory extension in grey Chobham and go get bladdered on Carling while watching Sky sports in some mysterious foreign place.

“I’m a big fan of culture and I always wonder how they make chicken Kiev over in Crete or if the Fox and Hounds in Benidorm also have bar staff that call people ‘chief’.

“I’m a wanderer at heart. The world is my oyster and all I need is for every single interaction I experience to be in the one language I speak and never need a different frame of reference to anything outside my incredibly parochial life.”

Mr William’s enthusiasm for exploring the unknown was dampened by what his wife Amanda labelled as ‘difficulties’ when facing bureaucracies.

She went on “I’m worried. He hasn’t twigged that we’ll need to prove we’re vaccinated and that his ‘word as an Englishman’ won’t cut it. He gets very upset when foreigners ask him to obey rules he doesn’t understand.

“And he doesn’t understand much.”

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