True Detective season 4 to feature trigger-happy cowards who constantly mention that they have black friends

author avatar by 3 years ago

The next instalment of the HBO crime anthology series is said to move away from highly charismatic sleuths fighting sinister crime syndicates and instead showcase the daily lives of skittish racists whose incompetence routinely turn simple traffic stops into a bloodbath.

Screenwriter Simon Williams said the pursuit of realism led to a drastic change of tone in the series as the idea of emotionally scarred but fundamentally decent cops was asking too much suspension of disbelief.

“Cops as flawed heroes whose rough edges are excused by their bravery is just not realistic any more.

“Not when the news is full of hysterical morons who can’t check a driving licence without threatening the lives of anyone who doesn’t get sunburn in winter.

“So we’re going to portray dull-witted Maga types who fantasize of being in an action movie and are so profoundly racist they see a minute change in volume from a black man as a mortal threat that warrants unloading a gun into a terrified commuter.

NewsThump Hoodies

“Their investigation will be based on nothing more than racial prejudice and they will leave a trail of bodies safe in the knowledge that the worst that could happen is that they have to move to be a cop in another town.

“We are looking forward to shooting a stupidly long take of a post-killing riot. We’ve told our actors to start putting on weight and to practice looking convinced that shooting rubber bullets at chanting students is a good way to follow up egregious police brutality.

“The set decorators are especially excited since every police force in the US now feels the need to deploy tanks when dealing with a group of semi-comatose weed vapers and activist RATM fans.”