Nation full of men with new haircuts and blinding hangovers

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The nation is full of men with fresh hangovers and even fresher haircuts, according to reports.

As men across the country enjoyed an orgy of pub-based alcohol consumption and barber-based hair trimming, beds everywhere are currently occupied by people who feel sorry for themselves while also being reasonably pleased with how they look in the mirror.

“Thank God we’re all still working from home,” explained Simon Williams, a 34-year-old marketing executive.

“Yesterday is a bit of a blur if I’m honest, but I distinctly remember the queue outside the barbers being a bit like the queue for bread in communist Russia.  Except everyone queueing was a bit giddy and excited about going to the pub straight afterwards.

“I do feel like I want to die, but if I did, I’m pleased I’d be going in the box with a nice tight-fade.”

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Barber Steve Matthews told us, “Yesterday was emotional. I’ve never had so many grown men break down with joy over the simple sound of a clipped going past their ears.

“It was even worse with the ones who went to the pub first.”