Tuesday 13 April 2021 by Chris Ballard

Man seriously considers thinking about washing his face mask


Man considers washing his facemask

After a year of regular use, a man’s face mask might soon be due for a wash.

A man who has been wearing the same face mask every day for nearly a year has realised that one day it might need to be washed.

“Yeah, I had a bit of a wake-up call last week when my wife asked if I had a mask she could borrow,” said mask owner Simon Williams.

“She put it on, then immediately screamed, vomited into her handbag and then wept tears of blood for three days straight.

“I didn’t make the connection at first, but this strange behaviour may have occurred because my mask is a teeny bit toxic.

“I suppose there are a few reasons why I’ve never washed it.

“Firstly, I like to always have my mask on me so I never forget it. Although perhaps keeping it in the same pocket into which I stuff my snotty tissues probably isn’t best practice.

“That said, I quite often sneeze directly into my mask and it still seems to work okay…

“Secondly, it’s a really cool design – black with random streaks of green in the style of Jackson Pollock – and I wouldn’t want to wear a different one.

“Or is that the side I’m supposed to have against my face? Hmm, yeah, maybe…

“But most importantly, I use it so much there’s simply no time to put it through a laundry cycle.

“For example, I can’t wash it tonight because it’s my turn to go to the supermarket and l need it to wear it in order to be a responsible, hygienic citizen.

“I’ll definitely give it a swill at some point though. Probably when this pandemic ends – I should get a chance to do it before the next one hits.”

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