Monday 12 April 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Everything disrespectful


Everything disrespectful to royalists this week

Following the announcement of Prince Philip’s death on Friday, absolutely everything anyone has done has been disrespectful.

“I saw some bloody woman walking around with bare arms. Just bare. Three days after Prince Philip died. Bloody disrespectful, if you ask me,” said 104-year-old Colonel Bilious Cholmondey-Racist of Upper Downwardston in Suffolk.

“This was a great man, who dedicated his life to the country and she’s got all bare arms. Disgusting. And, someone mowed his lawn yesterday too. And there was a chap going to work this morning. Turned on the BBC and that one who looks like a homosexual wasn’t wearing a poppy. Disrespectful, the lot of them. Don’t know what this country’s coming to.”

Eleanor Gay folded her bare arms as she explained how troubled she was by people being disrespectful.

“I know that not everyone is a Royalcialist, but if you’re not then I think you should just stay indoors with the curtains closed and remain completely still because otherwise, it’s very disrespectful.

“I mean, I just saw someone in the shops buying some milk which was very disrespectful what with Prince Philip only having died a few days ago. I was buying milk at the time, but I was doing it in a respectful way.

“And there’s that old Colonel who’s just been sitting in his garden watching everyone and tutting loudly. I don’t think you should be sitting in your garden watching everyone and tutting loudly, that’s very disrespectful.”

Simon Williams spends his day combing the internet looking for things to be offended by.

“I saw that some so-called humour site, although I don’t see what’s so funny about it, had posted a supposedly humourous article about how everything is disrespectful,” he complained.

“That’s disrespectful and they should take it down immediately.”

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