Chaos on nation’s roads after traffic lights are painted black to mark Prince Philip’s passing

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There has been chaos on roads across the country today after thousands of traffic lights were turned black as a ‘mark of respect’ towards the passing of Prince Philip.

Highways staff and local authority contractors spent Sunday night painting each green, amber and red signal the dark, sombre colour in keeping with the period of national mourning that will take place until the Duke of Edinburgh’s funeral next Saturday.

Simon Williams, the Lord Mayor of West Bumfun, told us, “It is only proper on these occasions to mark the passing of such a senior Royal with a show of solidarity in grief.

“The colours green, amber and red are far too bright and cheerful at this time of national mourning, and as such are very disrespectful to Philip’s memory. A great man has died, for God’s sake – we can’t have each traffic signal in the country looking like a garish eighties disco, can we?”

He went on, “Besides, it’s only temporary – after the funeral, they shall return to their normal colours, as will all the emergency vehicle lights which we are in the process of turning from a flashing blue and white to a sort of muted glowing greyscale.”

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Rational human and anti-royalist Christopher James told us, “First the endless rolling coverage on every BBC channel to inform us of an event relating to someone we’ve never met, and now this.

“It’s just ridiculous.”

Thoughtfully he went on, “In fact, Philip would have probably just made fun of anything that was darker in colour than he was used to seeing.”