Friday 9 April 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Journalist frantically searching for obituary he wrote in 2002


Journalist looking for obituary

A journalist has spent the last hour or so frantically searching for the obituary in wrote in 2002.

“Where is it? Where is the bloody thing,” cried Simon Williams, a journalist specialising in obituaries, as he rifled through a pile of old papers.

“It was bloody perfect. Touching, respectful, celebratory. All I’ve got to do is stick on something about that car crash and how he quite liked Meghan and it’d have been good to go.”

Mr Williams initially thought he’d found it within minutes of the news circulating.

“I was sure that was it. It was a preprepared obit. Long life. Respect of the population. Changed the way we all think about the royal family, but that was Billy Connolly. God knows I don’t want to be using that one for a while.”

Mr Williams confessed to being a little professionally embarrassed.

“Yeah, everyone else had obits up within minutes, the Telegraph had theirs up yesterday evening for a few minutes. I mean I’m not suggesting they were involved or anything, but it makes you think.

“Meanwhile there’s me, here, like a right plum, digging around all these files because I can’t back things up properly. I’m never going hear the last of this – ‘calls himself an obituary writer, yet he waits for someone to die before writing an obituary’ – it’ll be unbearable.”

However, Mr Williams had a plan if he is unable to find his prepared obituary.

“He was nearly a hundred. Good humoured. Married for ages. I’ll just do a find and replace on Bob Hope’s one and call it done.”

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