‘We are going to have to learn to live with the Conservative Party’ says Chris Whitty

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Speaking at the latest government press briefing, public health supremo Professor Chis Whitty warned that society will just have to come to terms with the Tory Party, as it will be with us for many years to come.

While many had hoped that the agony and disruption of the last year and a half of Boris Johnson’s government was merely a phase – a dark tunnel from which the nation could emerge, shaken but not cowed – Professor Whitty suggested that the effects of long Bojovid will be more difficult to shake.

“I’m afraid we have to face it,” said Professor Chris Whitty, his pallid face stark against the deep blue of the new government communications hub, “the Conservative Party is here to stay.

“Once it has a foothold in its host, this parasite is virtually impossible to shake loose – particularly in vulnerable areas like Hampshire and Kent.

“It adapts in order to survive, which is why the party of Eton and Oxbridge toffs can simultaneously appeal to former miners in the Red Wall. The sad truth is we may never be free of this blight.”

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Although the news appears depressing, analysts affirm that, given time, the public can acclimatise to the lingering presence of the Tories.

The latest strain tends not to generate such a visceral reaction in those above forty, and although women and ethnic minorities may suffer disproportionately from its adverse effects, Conservative voters don’t care about them anyway.

The death toll from Covid-19 is 126,882. That of austerity is estimated at 130,000. The pandemic continues.

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