Thursday 8 April 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Companies to offer option to pre-report lost parcel if delivery assigned to Yodel


Woman pre-reports package from Yodel as lost

Companies who use Yodel as their delivery service will now offer customers the chance to pre-report their inevitable lost parcels.

“If a delivery is assigned to Yodel, then it is pretty much certain that package will end up left up a tree, under a motorway flyover, or on eBay,” explained Eleanor Gay, a representative for wine company Laithwaites who, bizarrely, use Yodel to deliver their wine.

“So, from Monday, as soon as a delivery is assigned to Yodel, customers will have the option to immediately report the parcel as missing and request a replacement or refund.

“There will be no need to wait for the inevitable ‘We’ve left your parcel in a bin in an industrial park six miles away’ card to come through your letterbox,’ everyone will just assume that, because it’s Yodel, that’s going to happen anyway.”

Simon Williams recently had cause to deal with a Yodel delivery, and consequently approved of the plan.

“Really good idea. This will save a lot of time,” he said.

“Only the other day, I got a card through my letterbox from Yodel saying that as no-one was in, they’d left my parcel on my doorstep in a parallel dimension.

“So, then I had to spend the rest of the week reading up on trans-dimensional physics and creating a portal to the parallel dimension and when I finally went through the portal, I found they’d left the parcel in a pile of dog-shit and then piled more dog-shit on top of it.

“I wouldn’t have minded, but I was in all day.”

Yodel responded to the development by issuing the following statement – ‘f**k off, we’re Yodel, we don’t give a shit. C**ts.”

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