Wednesday 7 April 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Swan incapable of breaking a man’s arm ostracised from swan community


Swan can't break arms

A swan who is unable to break a man’s arm has found himself ostracised from the swan community.

Simon Williams the swan was found swimming alone in a big puddle.

“The thing with swans is they’re a really macho lot,” explained Mr Williams.

“Frist thing they talk about is breaking a man’s arm – ‘Alright Si, broken any men’s arms today?’ ‘Come and look at this man whose arm I just broke.’ – it’s a real swan thing.

“So, when I admitted that I’d never actually broken a man’s arm, they all thought I was a bit weird, or lazy, or just not really swan enough to be a swan.”

Mr Williams the swan claims he has tried to break a man’s arm in the past.

“Yeah, I’ve tried. Of course I’ve tried. I mean, I’m a swan, it’s in my nature to want to break a man’s arm.

“I just don’t really understand how you’re supposed to do it. I mean, I tried not so long ago. There was this man walking along the canal towpath, so I thought – ‘I know, I’ll break his arm’ – so I go up to him and he’s all like ‘what?’ So I sort of start flapping my wings at his arm but he just walks off.

“I mean, how are you supposed to break a man’s arm with just a pair of wings. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Mr Williams the swan has resolved to study human anatomy and hopes to try and break a man’s arm again in the future but, for now, he remains a swan alone.

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