Wednesday 7 April 2021 by Lucas Wilde

Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles are here to fight lower back pain and credit card debt


Mutant Ninja Turtles

The Ninja Turtles have grown up, and so have their problems.

The heroes in a half-shell are now in their early 40s and are fighting new problems that come with such ages.

“Dude, I’m done with Shredder. Now the only evil I’m fighting is my lower back…” grimaced Raphael, the coolest Ninja Turtle (see me- Ed), doing a darts stretch.

“I’m knotted. I need some deep heat and Ibuprofen.

“Dude I’ve got my own problems,” grumbled Leonardo.

“I’m three grand in the hole thanks to this credit card that I got in my early twenties, and it’s eating into my credit rating like we used to through pizza- until Donatel lo became lactose intolerant.”

“Ugh, so NOT cool,” confirmed Donatello.

“I used to love pizza – we all did, famously – then one day it suddenly makes my tummy all grumbly and I fart for days.

“I’ve tried to get into lactose-free pizza but it’s not the same.”

Leonardo commented, “I am also here with a similar middle-aged problem which I won’t bore you with because I am the least-cool of the turtles, but let’s just say April O’Neil doesn’t have the same ‘physical affect’ on me anymore.” (ok you’ve done this on purpose, SEE ME – Ed)

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