Captain of the ‘Ever Given’ kicking himself after realising ship had a reverse gear all this time

author avatar by 3 years ago

The container ship ‘Ever Given’ has finally been freed today, after the Captain of the vessel realised it had a reverse gear.

The 200,000-tonne ship, which has been wedged across the Suez canal like a particularly unflushable turd since last Tuesday, was freed today after the Captain noticed a sign on the lever marked ‘R’.

“Well, this is a tad awkward,” Captain Simon Williams told us over the phone, from his hiding place in the ship’s loo.

“We ran aground when I drove – or ‘sailed’, is that the right terminology? – the boat into the shallow bank last week and the front bit, I think it’s called the ‘stern’, got wedged in.

“They tried everything; digging us out, tugging us out, refloating us, the lot, but nothing seemed to work.

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“But then I had a quick glance at the driving lever thingy and I realised it had an ‘R’ option, which I guessed could either mean ‘right’ or ‘reverse’ so I went for it to see what happened and luckily there was a beeping sound, it backed the ship back and out of the shallows and now we’re on our way again.”

He added, “Motorbikes don’t have a reverse gear, and I assumed it was the same with boats.

“I’m just relieved – there was a real risk that we could have caused a blockage to some of the other ships on this normally busy route, but I haven’t seen another container ship for days on end.

“So I think I got away with it.”