‘Greed is good’ insists man telling nurses not to ask for a penny more

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Greed is a positive trait that can accomplish great things, but not if you’re a nurse who would like a few pounds more to eke out a slightly better standard of living, according to the Prime Minister.

During yesterday’s briefing Boris Johnson explained that the success of our vaccination programme is in part down to greed, but he has been quick today to explain that the benefits of greed do not extend to poor people.

“I do feel I must clarify my comments yesterday. Greed is good, yes, but only if you already have a lot, and are trying to acquire more.  Not if you lack the proverbial pot to piss in.

“So if you’re out there wheeling and dealing in medical supplies for the very first time in your professional career, then a bit of greed is enormously helpful.  But if you’re coming off a 14-hour double shift caring for Covid patients who can’t breathe for themselves, then I’m afraid greed simply isn’t for the likes of you – it’s much better you just accept what you’re given and be happy with it.”

Nurses across the country have been left confused by the mixed messages, with one telling us, “Asking for a 3% pay rise is bad greedy, but handing a £100m PPE contract to the brand new company of one of your mates is good greedy, is that right?

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“I’m sure you can understand why that is a little confusing. I mean, I’m just a layperson – obviously – but it increasingly looks like the rule is that greed is good when it helps the Tories, and bad when it doesn’t.

“Surely it can’t be that simple?”

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