Monday 22 March 2021 by Pete Redfern

Leftie liberals devastated to find there is nowhere on census to record that they are ‘woke’


Couple filling in census form

The leftists are once again crying over a perceived injustice, it has emerged.

The outcry is reported to stem from there being nowhere on the census, which takes place every ten years, to record whether the occupants of a house are ‘woke’ or not.

Simon Williams, a leftie who is so ‘woke’ that he has subscribed to receive a daily email from his favourite “left-leaning” satirical website (which you can do so here ), told us, “I was completing the census yesterday and all was going as normal at first.

“As always, I was entering that I was black, a Muslim and a lesbian, despite being white, agnostic and a virgin, so as to improve awareness for these social groups, but then I realised there was no option in which I could record that I am, like, incredibly woke.”

He explained, “I know they don’t collect information on politics or political leaning, but me being woke goes way beyond that – it is a way of life, after all.

“I just sincerely hope that they sort this out in time for the next census – after all, being able to say that I am ‘woke’ is far more important to me than actively doing anything to redress the wrongs in society on a practical level.”

Newly unemployed anti-woke warrior Piers Morgan was also unhappy at the options available on the census, albeit for a different reason.

“What a pointless waster of time!” he fumed, having completed every page of the census because he now has literally nothing else to do with his time.

“There wasn’t a single place to record the fact that I hate Meghan Markle”.

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