Monday 22 March 2021 by Arabin Patson

Calling someone a flag shagger is as bad as racism, insist racist flag shaggers


Flag shagger upset at jokes about flag shagging

Hypertensive curtain-twitchers, whose crippling insecurity propels them to find self-worth in symbols and hatred of anyone different, have spent the past 48 hours claiming that being the butt of somewhat puerile jokes is the same as being the victim of lifelong discrimination.

Simon Williams, a retired fishmonger from Kettering who as far too many conversations where he is obliged to narrowly define the meaning of racism, was one of many who took to social media to fight back against insults that he claims is a breach of his human rights.

He told us, “I’m a staunch patriot who just happened to avoid any kind of public service for 67 years and I think it should be illegal to laugh at me for having acquired a fanatical love of nationalist symbols at, coincidentally, the same time as the tabloids started to make a fuss about it.

“I think that being called a flag-shagger or a gammonny rage-wanker is just as bad as what the coloured chaps had to live through in the seventies. You know, with scary skinheads who did nazi salutes and stuff.

“Real racism. Not like making a few jokes because you’re only having a bubble, and it wasn’t fresh dog poo anyway so if you think about it the Patels are the ones who were wasting police time.”

However, people around Mr Williams suspect his claims of offence might be a bit contrived, as claimed his wife Amanda.

She told us, “He’s scared of being irrelevant and thinks if he can make everything about his feelings then at least he’s part of the conversation.

“I just tune him out and daydream of where I’ll live when his arteries finally pack it in.”

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