Thursday 18 March 2021

Scientists reconsider status of crows as ‘smartest animal’ following evidence they share antivax memes


Crows sharing antivax memes

Scientists have today begun to reevaluate the position of crows as ‘the smartest animal in nature’ after a number were witnessed sharing anti-vax memes in the wild.

The crows, which were sitting in a tree just outside Basingstoke, were seen passing leaflets around which claimed that Covid was created by Bill Gates in order to inject microchips into everyone during the vaccine rollout.

Scientist Simon Williams told us, “They absolutely lapped it up, there was zero scepticism, which we had expected to see given that crows are supposedly intelligent.

“They unquestioningly adopted the ridiculous conspiracy theory as their own, much like so many of the planet’s dumber human beings.

“I don’t care if they can make tools and recognise human faces, if they’re going to fall for vaccine hoaxes that are obviously fake, then we have to stop thinking of them as being ‘intelligent’.”

However, a spokesperson for the crow community said their position was not linked to a lack of intelligence, but rather their aptitude for cunning.

They told us, “Oh, you think we’ve been tricked into sharing anti-vax memes? That’s so cute.

“Look, our collective noun is a ‘murder’ of crows, which should have been a clue that we’d be pro-plague, especially if that plague only affects humans.

“This virus doesn’t affect us, so of course we’re all for spreading misinformation in the hope of killing you all off.

“Thankfully you have lots of idiots in your communities happy to spread this stuff that we keep dropping in your paths, so toes crossed you’ll all be consigned to history soon enough and we can take our rightful place at the top of the animal kingdom.”

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