Wednesday 17 March 2021

Domestic violence victims to ensure better police protection by carrying miniature Churchill statues


Domestic abuse victimes urged to carry small breakable Winston Churchill statues

Victims of domestic violence across the country are to take steps to ensure their protection by the police by carrying a small breakable statue of Winston Churchill with them at all times.

The move comes as the government seems intent on ensuring the police protect statues ahead of vulnerable human beings.

Domestic violence awareness campaigner, Sharon Williams, told us, “Anyone who has ever been a victim of domestic violence, or who knows someone how has, will know how difficult it is to get the police to take action in the first place, and then secondly to see the perpetrators ever dealt with appropriately by the justice system.

“Beating up vulnerable human beings in a domestic setting simply isn’t much of a priority, or so it appears.

“Fortunately, this new campaign will see domestic abusers not only arrested, but locked away for many years – all by simply trying to protect your face with a small breakable statue as the blows rain down.

“However, it’s important that when you call the police, you don’t say ‘I’ve been attacked’ or ‘my partner has just broken my nose’, you should always lead with ‘I’ve just seen a man break a statue of Winston Churchill’ – that is how you get a rapid response unit to your front door.

“Make sure you get plenty of photo evidence of the broken statue, even if your fingers are broken, and your vision is hazy from repeated blows to the head – those pictures of Winston in pieces are what will really see the legal system come down hard on them.

“We are hoping that over time, holding up a statue of Winston Churchill to a domestic abuser will be much like holding garlic in front of a vampire.”

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