Wednesday 17 March 2021

‘Britain is awful, you people are scum’ – the Labour left’s new slogan


New Labour slogan

As part of the left-wing of the Labour party’s continuing attempts to re-establish itself as a viable political concern, it has issued a new slogan designed to unify its candidates in the upcoming local elections.

‘Britain is awful, you people are scum’ is the bold slogan envisaged by those on the left of the party who have become concerned that Keir Starmer likes Britain a little too much to be a credible Labour Party leader.

“It really encapsulates everything that the left-wing of the party is about,” explained Richard Burgon, intellectual powerhouse of the Labour left.

“Britain is a terrible place full of awful people who, throughout its history, has only ever done awful, awful things.

“The Labour left hope to unite the country in utter contempt for itself.”

The slogan appears to have won support amongst the party membership.

“That’s good, that’s really good,” said Simon Williams.

“I mean, everyone knows that people didn’t vote for Jeremy Corbyn because they’re all dreadful or stupid.

“If we keep reiterating exactly how thick they all are and how shit the country is then surely these cretins will all come round and support us and vote us in and unify around a radical left-wing agenda of just feeling really, really bad about being British.”

It is understood that the more extreme members of the Labour left would have preferred the more extreme slogan – ‘Fucking fuck this fucking country and all of you fucking fuckers who live in it’ – and that the divide may well lead to further internal squabbling over how appalling Britain is.

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