Statues could protect themselves by dressing less provocatively and only going on plinths in daylight, insist women

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After further scarce police resources were spent protecting statues around London, the Met Police are facing calls to save money by asking the statues to dress differently and to avoid being on plinths after dark.

As the safety of statues increasingly become the force’s primary concern, many citizens have suggested the statues could also take some steps to better protect themselves, rather than asking other people to be responsible for their safety.

London resident Sharon Williams, told us,  “Look, I’m not victim-blaming here, and I’m not for one second suggesting these statues were ‘asking’ to be attacked, it’s just – you know, they could take some common-sense precautions to better protect themselves, which would in turn massively reduce the chances of them becoming victims.  Is that really so much to ask?

“I mean, sure, the people attacking statues are bad people, but if the statue wasn’t there, just standing around looking all sanctimonious, then it probably wouldn’t get attacked in the first place. Let’s not pretend otherwise.

“I know it’s an unpopular opinion, but these statues need to start taking personal responsibility for their safety and not let it always fall to the rest of us to protect them.”

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Meanwhile, a police spokesperson said they were not about to go around demanding that statues start dressing differently.

They told us, “It’s a free country, and they should feel free to dress however they like.

“But, you know, maybe just be a bit more aware of your surroundings? And maybe don’t flaunt your slave-friendly history quite so blatantly?”