Friday 12 March 2021 by Will Jones

“Maybe tomorrow…” sighs despondent Myanmar protestor after scanning global headlines again


Myanmar protest

A Myanmar protestor has been left devoid of all hope after scanning numerous news organisations only to find that every single headline is devoted to former royal Prince Harry or former human Piers Morgan.

When queried about the lack of coverage concerning the Myanmar protests, a spokesperson from the BBC told us, “Unfortunately, the violent repression being suffered by the heroic citizens of Myanmar is simply not capturing the public’s attention because, quite frankly, the people there are just a bit too dark.

“If this had happened in a country like Sweden or Belgium or, hey, maybe even one of those Russian sounding ones, we’d probably be paying it a bit more attention.

“Alas, until the Myanmar people can learn how to be less ‘Asian’, then, I’m sorry, but no one seems to care.”

We asked various members of the public what their thoughts on the Myanmar coup was, and were mostly met with puzzled expressions and responses such as, “What’s a Myanmar?”, “Don’t you mean Burma?” and “Ohhhh wait now I remember, like the Aztecs, right?”

One lady even spat at us for not asking about Meghan Markle.

In an interview, one protestor told us that he had almost given up.

“But, the world still cares about us, right papa?” interrupted his four-year-old daughter.

“They.. they wouldn’t prioritise a news story about a hereditary monarchy over the plight of an entire people fighting for democracy?” continued the four-year-old with a strangely advanced vocabulary.

“Sure” replied her father, tears welling up in his eyes. “Sure…”

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