Thursday 11 March 2021 by Neil Tollfree

‘Everything is fine’, confirms straight white man


Everything is fine confirms straight white man

A white, straight man has confirmed that everything is pretty much fine now, so no one need worry.

Simon Williams, a software developer from Hove, has had a big think about everything and concluded that there really isn’t too much to complain about.

“Well, you see lots of people on Twitter talking about harassment and discrimination and so on, so I spent some time thinking about it and, yeah, really, I don’t think it’s too bad,” he said, reassuring many.

“I mean, I went out about ten o’clock last night and it was fine. Didn’t feel threatened at all. Saw a girl who looked a bit nervous so I just went – ‘don’t worry love, nothing to worry about here’ – she didn’t say anything back, which was a bit rude but whatever.

“I had a job interview and got on really well with the guys doing the interview. We had a bit of a laugh about how there’s so many Indians in IT nowadays so, you know, good banter. I reckon I stand a good chance.”

He also mentioned his relationship.

“The Missus? Yeah, she’s good. Fine. Walked through the park holding hands yesterday. It was nice. Some people are funny about public affection but we’re not. Don’t care what people think.

“It’s a good relationship and everything. I even let her talk to other blokes. Doesn’t bother me.”

It is hoped that, in the wake of Mr Williams confirmation that everything is fine, women, people of colour and homosexuals are suitably reassured and will just get on with their lives without any further complaint.

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