Tuesday 9 March 2021 by Mark Molloy

Government frantically trying to work out what they can get away with while ‘all this is going on’


Boris meeting to discuss what they can sneak through

The government is frantically trying to decide today what they can actually get away with while everyone forgets about them for a few days while ‘all this’ is going on with the Royals.

With every newspaper and media outlet still fully focused on who the racist Royal might be this morning, government ministers are working hard behind the scenes trying to rush through a series of stupid decisions and embarrassing u-turns as quickly as possible before everyone finally remembers that there is a pandemic still actually going on.

A government source told us, “Yes this is brilliant, all this Royal shit, absolutely brilliant for us.

“For the last four or five days now, nobody has given even the tiniest shit about the whole pandemic and what we are doing about it, so we can get away with pretty much anything.

“You’d never guess that a court had ruled Boris had misled parliament – something the ministerial code suggests is a resignation offence – but no-one is that interested because ‘mean brown lady was mean to Queen’.

“That’s why we are looking to use this time to kick back and relax, whilst also trying to work out what crazy ill-thought-out decisions we can actually come up with while everyone’s back is turned.

“All we need is for this thing to drag on for another few weeks, and we can actually get some U-turns pushed through and maybe sort out this border thing in Northern Ireland.

“We might even re-close the schools and start an ‘Eat out to Help out’ thing up again, I mean, sod it – who cares!”

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