Every Royal was at Woking Pizza Express at the time Archie’s skin colour was questioned, insists Palace

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In response to the incendiary slew of accusations levelled at them by Harry and Meghan yesterday, the Royal family have today denied everything, insisting they were elsewhere when the incidents happened.

One conversation that Harry and Meghan relayed to Oprah pertained to concerns raised by certain members of the Royal family about the possible colour of their baby’s skin, a conversation that the Palace insist could never have happened.

“That is a complete fabrication, I’m afraid,” said Palace spokesperson Sir Simon Williamsby-Tofferington II, Fourth Duke of Little Arseache.

“You see, when that alleged conversation was taking place, each and every racist member of the Royal family was enjoying a quiet meal on every table in the Woking branch of Pizza Express.

“Prince Philip was tucking into doughballs and cracking jokes about the waitress’s perceived ethnic heritage, Prince Andrew was there without a single bead of sweat on his face and with his arm around an unknown teenage girl, as usual, and Princess Anne was galloping between the tables braying ‘I’m a horse, Mummy!’.

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“It was a normal, healthy, royal family night out.”

He concluded, “So I’m afraid that Harry and Meghan must have simply imagined that such a conversation about Archie’s skin colour ever took place.”

A Freedom of Information request was submitted to confirm if the meal at Pizza Express did take place on the night of the alleged conversation about skin-colour, but it turns out the Royal family are exempt from such requests.

We wonder why.