Friday 5 March 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Opening schools but not pubs damaging for both teachers and pupils


teachers worried about schools opening and not pubs

The Government has been warned that opening schools on Monday without having pubs open could lead to a mental health crisis across the education section.

“Teaching isn’t easy at the best of times,” explained Simon Williams, a teacher from Orpington.

“Lesson preparation, difficult kids, long days, insufficient materials, having to deal with the fact that Gavin Williamson is in charge of everything – a man so stupid he has to watch a YouTube explainer video to help him put on a hat.

“Literally the only thing that gets most of us through the day is a couple of hours in the pub afterwards making jokes about the thick kids.

“Making us go to school without being able to go to the pub afterwards is inhumane.”

For once, pupils were in agreement with their teachers over the situation.

“Making us go to school without being able to go to the pub afterwards is inhuman,” said Eleanor Gay, a fifth-former from Orpington.

“Homework, ill-prepared teachers, stupid after-school clubs, sharing a book between nine of us, having to deal with the fact that Gavin Williamson is in charge of everything, a man so stupid he thought the Mars Rover was a dog who liked chocolate.

“The only thing that gets kids through the day at school is being able to go to pub afterwards and making jokes about the thick teachers.”

It is thought that many schools will handle the difficult situation by relaxing the rules on bringing in cans and have everyone pretend everyone else isn’t on a two-beer buzz from lunchtime onwards.

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