Tuesday 2 March 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Today’s migrant boat had 300 leopards, some Ebola, and a killer cyborg, insists Nigel Farage


Nigel Farage on migrant boats

The red-faced angry man’s red-faced angry man, Nigel Farage, has this morning fired off a furious tweet about a migrant boat discovered off the coast of Dover that had ‘300 leopards, some Ebola, and a killer cyborg from the future’.

The migrant boat, which doesn’t exist and was invented by Mr Farage in a desperate attempt to still appear relevant, was intercepted yesterday by a crack team of British frogman from Mr Farage’s imagination.

“Frankly, I was stunned when I learnt that in my imagination, thousands and thousands of migrants are just landing in Dover with big jars of Ebola and leopards and future cyborgs,” said Mr Farage to himself as he sat on his own in the park drinking a can of Ruddles with a big dark patch growing on the front of his burgundy trousers.

“In fact, I’ve just heard that they’ve set up a city off the A2 the size of Manchester run by homosexuals doing Sharia law and – hey where’s my phone? Who’s stolen my phone? I bet it was the darkies.

“Oh, no, hang on, it’s here. Bloody darkies will have that.

“Do you know what else as well? Those EU immigrants are building a big tunnel from Brussels to Essex to smuggle in bendy bananas. Or is it straight ones? I can never remember which it is we don’t like. Oh Christ, I’m going to be sick.”

Mr Farage was unable to give any further details as he had to get to the offy before they close for a few more tins.

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