Tuesday 2 March 2021 by Davywavy

Nature’s perfectly designed killing machine is a floofy-floofy snookums oh yes he is


Cat is the perfect killing machine but oh so cute with it

A creature designed by evolution to be one of the most ruthlessly efficient killing machines the world has ever seen is a suffly-wuffly floofums, according to reports this morning.

The cat – Felis Catus, to give it the scientific name – is the end product of four billion years of natural selection to produce a creature designed for a single, solitary purpose: to kill. And to have his lovely snuggly tummy rubbed and rubbed again, he likes that, doesn’t he? Yes he likes that little kittykins?

Equipped with light-sensitive, binocular vision honed to track imperceptible movement for optimum tracking of prey in low-light conditions, a spine and legs coiled like a steel spring to move with deathly efficiency in the hunt, and razor-sharp claws and mandibles of death for despatching prey as quickly as possible, the cat has such an adorable little face. Look at his little face! And tiny little paws that I want to hold!

With a nigh-psychotic fixation on the immediate slaughter of anything small enough to be seized and toyed with in horrible torment before an agonising death, the cat is showing you his little bottom! Don’t you just want to stroke his back so he sticks his tail in the air. Awwwww. He’s so cute! I could hug him until he’s flat!

Experts agree that the only way the cats could possibly be improved as an appallingly self-sufficient mechanism of death to all it encounters is by dressing him up as a pumpkin and sitting him on a roomba.

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