Friday 26 February 2021 by Davywavy

Lady Gaga hires John Wick to get her dogs back


Lady Gaga hires John Wick

Lady Gaga has engaged the services of New York’s premier dog retrieval specialist after the theft of her pets yesterday, we can exclusively report.

John Wick, who is well known for ‘leaving no stone unturned’ in his pursuit of people who act badly towards doggy companions, has apparently accepted a commission of $500,000 in gold for the retrieval – although he’d do it for free.

This is not the first time the well-known pet lover has taken to the streets in pursuit of animal abusers, and experts consider his chances of success in finding the stolen dogs and bringing the perpetrators to justice to be ‘surprisingly high although there may be some collateral damage’.

Sales of plywood for boarding up shop windows are understood to have risen more than fivefold since the news broke, and the police have been advised to keep a safe distance.

When asked what his plan for getting the dogs back was, Mr Wick is understood to have replied “Whoever it is, I’ll kill them.

“I’ll kill them all.”

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