Thursday 18 February 2021 by Arabin Patson

Facebook confident that no-one in Australia has ever heard of a browser


Facebook on Australians using browsers

The machiavellian strategists at Facebook have delivered a killer blow to the Australian government’s plan to make internet giants pay for shared media, by ensuring no one in the antipodean nation can access news unless they somehow know about the existence of websites.

Speaking from the company’s headquarters in San Francisco, Head of Strategy Simone Williams took a break from her cryogenic brain-hack yoga session to explain how there was no way Facebook’s plan to take on the Australian government could fail.

She told us, “Australia wanted to bully us into paying for the things we make money from. Well, let’s see how they like when we force them to type two words into a browser search bar when they want to get their news.

“That may be what us techie types in Silicon valley would do, but no one down under has got that disruptor mindset.

“We think Australia will come crawling back to us on its knees. Provided none of its inhabitants remember how they used to access news stories less than a decade ago.”

Ms Williams, who could not speak for too long as her juice cleanse required her to use the toilet every 7 minutes, was confident there was no way the social media giant’s tactics could backfire.

She went on, “It’s a foolproof plan. It’s not like there is a risk an entire nation will get used to getting information from sources that cater to their desires instead of our algorithms. After all, that would mean Australian customers learning to diversify their online experience instead of relying on one monolithic provider.

“It’s as brilliant as our plan to piss off both the Democrats and Republicans in the US.”

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