Students forbidden from disagreeing with free speech under threat of huge fines, says Minister for Obliterated Self-Awareness

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Gavin Williamson, the Minister for Kafakaesque Face-Palming Bullshit, has announced the drafting of a bill to protect free speech by ensuring that universities will be slapped with massive fines if they don’t hand over their lecture halls to bigoted twats with no expertise whatsoever.

Speaking to a Daily Telegraph journalist that has promised not to ask questions, the champion of free speech explained why an unelected government regulator, headed by the kind of idiot who routinely deletes his social media posts, is the way forward.

“For too long the wokeistas have issued their diktats that only experts should hold lectures and that opinionated racists who have spent more time in jail than school can’t waffle on for hours to a captive audience.

“What is freedom if not the freedom to remove any quality control on the people giving information to students paying nine grand a year for their education?”

Mr Williamson explained that it was important to act now to guarantee the future of the country.

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He went on, “Do you want to live in a world where your doctor has never had to sit through four hours of anti-vaxx nonsense cribbed from Facebook pages that would be painted red if you enable live spell-check?

“We know our voters don’t, so we will make sure that anyone who does not want semi-literate shit-stirrers taking over their premises will face the full force of the law.

“Freedom of speech is not about organising grass-roots local activism to protest people whose ideas you find abhorrent. It’s about passively agreeing with the kind of flabby reactionaries that have a stranglehold on the media, politics and the economy of this country.”

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